Tenacity & Timidity
by Erimentha
Summary: Lily Evans' first encounter with James Potter was less than perfect, and now that they're older, and both Prefects, are things ever going to change?
1. Default Chapter

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Tenacity & Timidity

Disclaimer : All the usual stuff. Lily & James, Remus & Sirius, Petunia etc, are all creations of JK Rowling. But you guys all know that already. Now, beginning with this story. Naturally, I crave responses & reviews etc, so please let me know what you think, and whether I should continue. I'm thinking it will fairly much jump to the later years quite soon. Right! On with the story! 

Part 1

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"When first we met we did not guess That Love would prove so hard a master." ~ Robert Bridges

~~~

Her name was Lily Evans. For the first eleven years of her life, things had been as regular as they could be. She had a sister, Petunia, who tyrannised over her, because she had the virtue of an older age. But she also had acquaintances from school, who, although never looking quite like her, shared similar interests and consequently formed a haph-hazard alliance under the bond of friendship. Her parents were entirely average, middle-class Britons, her mother staying at home to cook and gossip with the neighbours, and her father working in the town as a moderately successful shop owner.

Then, one day quite soon after her eleventh birthday, the owl arrived. Lily was astounded to sight it upon her windowsill, which she always kept open, because she loved the feel of the wind and fresh air in her room. She had never seen an owl so close that she could touch it before. Lily stealthily crept towards the owl, inching closer and closer, until she realised with astonishment that the owl was carrying something. A letter. 

"Is that for me?" She asked the owl, not expecting a reply. The owl nodded sagely at her. Tripping over her gangly legs in haste, Lily rushed to the owl, and recovered the letter. The address on the letter was quite specific.

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Miss Lily Evans,

The Yellow Bedroom next to the Staircase,

17 Harrison Square

Kensington.

Hurriedly Lily turned the letter over, and she instantly spotted an unusual seal, bearing the letter 'H', and four small images of animals. They appeared to be a snake, a lion, a bear and something she couldn't make out. Lily broke the seal and opened the letter.

"Dear Miss Evans, you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry" the letter read, and Lily, her eyes wide with puzzlement, no sooner read the contents than she tore downstairs to where her parents and Petunia were supping. 

"Mum!! Dad!! You have to read this!!" She cried out, ignoring Petunia's glare at her outburst. It wasn't everyday you got a letter from a place pertaining to Witchcraft and wizardry, which gloried in the name Hogwarts. It was a funny name, that, but Lily thought it didn't distract from the aura of mystery that was surrounding this whole idea of a college specifically for witches and wizards. What a magical and mysterious place it must be. Lily wagered there had to be turrets and forbidden rooms, and all sorts of things that you read about in fairy tales, but never thought true. 

Lily's parents each read the letter over once, then a second time. Mrs. Evans began to read a third time, but Lily was getting impatient. Petunia, although somewhat curious, continued buttering her toast, occasionally looking up to glare at Lily, or smile sanctimoniously. 

"Well?" Lily asked. "What do you think? Can I go? You know I don't really want to go to Featherdale."

Lily's parents looked at each other, as though in a trance. "I've never heard of the place before." Said Mr. Evans, finally. "I have no objection, if after doing some research on the place, we find it is not dangerous, or a lure for innocent children."

"Yes, you must be sure it isn't a hoax, Lily, so we'll still continue with our plans for Featherdale, but if it's not, and, when your father says it is permissible, you shall be able to go to this Hogwarts place." Lily's mother replied.

"What," Petunia broke her silence "Are you on about?"

"Lily's been offered a place at a school for witches."

"WITCHES???" Petunia hollered. "There's no such thing!"

"Maybe there is." Lily said reasonably.

"And you think **_you_** are one?? You _freak_!"

"Petunia! That's enough. Try and encourage your little sister today. It's not everyday you find out you might be a witch! Oh Lily! We'll have to take you shopping today, for a treat!"

Petunia slammed down her knife, enraged. Then she tore out of the room, snarling at Lily.

"Probably gone to ring up Vernon, and tell him the news." Mrs. Evans deduced.

"He's not a very nice person, is he?" Lily asked, speaking of her sixteen year old sister's boyfriend of three months. "And his chin is too large."

"That's enough, Missy." Mr. Evans smiled indulgently at his daughter. "Now, where do you think we can find out about this Hogwarts place? I've got a day off today, as you know."

"Um, should we try the Leaky Cauldron? They mention it here, and say that is where I should go to get my uniform and things."

"Very suspicious, but if we all go, it's safety in numbers." Mr. Evans said after a few moments thought. 

"And we must remember this is the seventies, darling." Mrs. Evans told her husband. "We may seem radical at times, but things aren't _dangerous._

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mum! The owl's arrived!!! I'm not a squib!!!!!" James Potter's voice could be heard reverberating through the two-storey house in Hertfordshire, as he ran down the grand staircase. "Look! Hogwarts has sent me a letter!! Oh, I hope I'm in Gryffindor!!"

"I never thought you were a squib, dearest." Mrs. Potter replied, emerging from her sitting room, where she had been casually writing letters to her general acquaintances. "Remember when you were six, how you managed to get Lady Russel's hair to look exactly like Paul McCartney's?? And you know you've never fallen and hurt yourself while on your broomstick. And even more especially, if you were a squib, I'm sure you couldn't ride the broomstick with such flair as you do."

"Well, yeah." James admitted "But I was still worried, just in case Hogwarts didn't send me a letter. Can we go to Diagon Alley now?"

"But I'm so busy! We haven't the time!"

"Use floo powder. It'll be quick." James recommended.

"But it's so _common!_ Mrs. Potter sniffed. "How about we go tomorrow, when your father can come as well. He'll know just which broomstick to get you."

"First years aren't allowed a broomstick, mum." James told her.

"Ah yes, but your father and I will need something special of yours to remain here, just to ensure we get you back during the holidays! We don't want to lose you, you know James. You're our precious and only son."

James reddened, but his mother's wheedling had worked. He was content to go tomorrow, and promised to come home during the holidays.

"Wait till I tell Sirius!! I hope he gets a letter too. His parents were in Gryffindor, weren't they mama?"

"Yes. The Blacks and the Potters have been in Gryffindor almost since good old Godric died. I can't see how you two would get into any other house, but if you do, make sure it's not Slytherin. In these dangerous days, there are too many threats in that house."

"What will Voldemort do next, do you think mama? He scares me at times. We're safe, aren't we?"

"We're only as safe as all other wizards and witches who have resisted the Dark Side. Our enemies numbers are increasing, and our friends decreasing, but there is no place safer than Hogwarts, you know that."

"But you're not going to be at Hogwarts, mother." James replied, worriedly.

"Your father and I will be fine. Don't worry your little head over us. Now go tell Sirius your news! I daresay he will be as excited as yourself." Mrs. Potter smiled at her son, who could be heard slamming the door and jumping over the fence to the next house, which had been the home of the Blacks for as long as anyone could remember.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily didn't know how she managed to survive the four weeks between her first visit to Diagon Alley and the time when she was to go to Kings Cross Station, to depart for Hogwarts. The visit to Diagon Alley had been very illuminating for Lily and Mr. & Mrs. Evans (Petunia had refused to accompany them), and after Mrs. Evans and Lily had poured through _Hogwarts : a History, _it was evident beyond all shadow of a doubt that the Evan's considered their daughter as a very special girl, and that there was no way she would _not _be going to such a prestigious school, if they wanted her. Mrs. Evans actually beamed with pride when Lily picked her wand at Ollivanders, even if she remained confused about what made each wand so unique. Mr. Evans then treated them to ice-cream at Florean Fortescue the Elder's shop. Lily was surprised to see someone her own age working in the shop, but somehow or another she discovered that the boy was Fortescue's own son. 

There were other children walking around Diagon Alley, and occasionally Lily heard the word 'Hogwarts' slip from their mouths. She guessed they too would be at Hogwarts for the next term, and wondered how many of them were like her - people who didn't even know they were magic, until the letter came? _Hogwarts : A History_ had defined such people as Muggles. Mr. & Mrs. Evans looked very much out of place, staring at the strange buildings and people, but Lily was beginning to take it in her stride. 

Until she encountered a horrible excuse for a person. Someone who obviously saw she was a muggle, and started to taunt her about it, while her parents were over at Gringotts, trying to figure out what sort of Wizard coinage fifty pounds would give them. The boy who accosted her was tall and wiry, but had a mean face. "Malfoy." was the name he introduced himself with, and Lily rather thought that she didn't much like this Malfoy creature at all. A niggling thought suddenly came into being in her head. Would all the witches and wizards at Hogwarts treat her like this? And what about the Professors? She would have to be cautious. Very, very cautious.

But although the visit to Diagon Alley had instilled caution in her, it had also filled Lily with a bubbling excitement, not to be matched by anything. She had never expected school to be brilliant, but this school might be just simply amazing. She couldn't wait to find out. Her parents were encouraging this spiel of thought, becoming excessively proud of their little Lily, which soured Petunia completely. The last couple of weeks with Petunia were utterly hideous, and Lily regarded them as a sign of what was to come. Petunia was alternately appalled and jealous, and these confused emotions caused her to treat her sister with less than her usual bare civility - now, Lily was received by her sister with contemptuous disdain. So in a way she was also relieved to be leaving home, and the days passed by rapidly. 

Finally the day came, when Lily was to be at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. Once again, Petunia had refused to come, merely sneering when Lily asked her parents to take her. Getting to the platform was no trouble, once Lily had asked someone who, like herself, was carrying an owl.

She waved good-bye to her parents, and walked through the wall, to find the boy who had told her what to do waiting for her. "Just wanted to make sure you got through. You a first year, then?"

Lily nodded, and the two got into the train, and found an empty compartment..

"So am I." The boy answered. "I'm an only child, but my parents went here, so they knew how to get through."

Your mother's a witch?" Lily asked with interest. What's it like? And having a wizard for a father! It must be so strange!"

"Not when you don't know any different. I take it you're a full muggle then?"

"Yes. And my name's Lily Evans. I can't think why I didn't tell you earlier."

The boy smiled, and the lids of his eyes drooped over his eyelids, giving one the idea that he was tired, though his eyes were brilliantly dilated, and full of eagerness. "Remus Lupin."

"Oh! That sounds a bit mythological, if you ask me. After all, Remus was the twin of Romulus, and those two were credited with being the founders of ancient Rome."

"I take it you are a great reader, or have an interest in history." Remus grinned. "Am I to believe you will be one of those girls that seek the highest scores in all subjects?"

"Well, I did always do relatively well, but I don't think Hogwarts is going to be teaching things like mathematics, are they? No, my textbooks are very different." Lily answered. "And besides, I haven't been brought up as a witch, so I can't know nearly as much as everyone else already! I shall be _so_ far behind!"

"You'll catch up. At least, that's what they always tell you. Do you know about all the houses?"

"I read about them in one of my additional texts. Um, History of something or other. Which one would you like to be in?"

"Not smart enough for Ravenclaw, not ambitious enough for Slytherin, so it'll be Gryffindor or Hufflepuff."

"How do they sort you?"

"I don't know. Hopefully it doesn't hurt. But we'll find out when we get there, and I'm sure that's not going to be long." Remus answered, as he looked at a sundial which was on his wrist. Lily tried hard not to stare at it, but was unsuccessful. It looked too archaic in style for an eleven year old, but the imprint of the seventies was evident in the retro colours of the shadows. Swirls of lime green and purple, alongside bright orange had replaced the traditional dark colour of the shadow. 

The conversation they adopted following this was commonplace, or filled with questions concerning muggles (Remus' questions) and wizards (Lily's). But by the end of the journey, each felt that even if they didn't find anyone else, they had at least one friend to turn to.

~*~*~*~*~*~

James and Sirius spent their time on the train eating, talking and dreaming. Dreaming of things that had happened, and which were to happen.

"Naturally, we'll be in Gryffindor." Sirius remarked. "I just wonder what everyone else is going to be like. Hopefully we'll find some friends, because after all, we're going to be spending the next seven years of our life here, so we'd better make the most of it."

"Yeah." James agreed, as he usually did. He was too busy thinking of how his parents had farewelled him. They were hiding something. They had to be. It seemed so strange that his parents would deliberately conceal something from him, causing James to be perplexed. But the smile with which they parted had not met their eyes, it was rather perfunctory - as though it was an age old custom, rather than a separation wrought with emotion. But perhaps that was just the way people in his family behaved. It seemed his parents were so steeped up in family traditions and customs, that he was just another Potter going to school, nothing out of the ordinary there. Except that this was the first time that he'd ever done it, and, well, he'd thought his parents would react differently. Instead they remained so passive!

Come to think of it, though, his parents had been acting a bit strange for about a week before his departure. James didn't connect this change with the letter which came by owl post, being more concerned with trying out his new broomstick, a Silver Arrow 150, one of the best quidditch sticks of the time. Not that James was really old enough to play proper quidditch - and that didn't stop him from pretending in the backyard that he was. Compared with Sirius' woeful attempts, he was an excellent seeker. James always won at this game, but Sirius soundly thrashed him when it came to wizard duels or wizard crackers. All James could ever conjure up was a sorry excuse for an explosion, which didn't even scare the family elf, who was renowned for its perpetually petrified look. But no, if James was around, the thing actually smiled! 

And as for spells, James' perennial favourite (in other words, the only one which was guaranteed to work for him) managed to turn whatever a person was holding to a raspberry custard which splurted all over the place (unless it was a wand, in which case the custard became an interesting concoction - coloured blue, but flavoured with something like vanilla essence). This spell was the delight of Sirius' life, and the bane of James', because Sirius was so much better at spells, and he had at least four which worked for him. 

But the letter in question had not seemed irregular in any way, and thus had never drawn the attention of James. So the journey to Hogwarts, rather than being filled with pranks, as anyone might have expected, passed uneventfully. That was, until Lily Evans tripped into the compartment. 

"Oh! So sorry!" She replied, a blush beginning to transform her pale features. She had been searching for the bathroom, and accidentally stumbled into the wrong room. It was the second time she had done this, too. The first time had introduced her to a nice bunch of girls, one of whom had introduced herself as Arabella Figg. 

But the boys in this room, rather than being accommodating and kind, appeared shocked.

"What are you doing in here?" The taller, and more swarthy of the two demanded, while the middle height boy with round rimmed glasses and dark hair simply looked over at her with a sort of vacant gaze. She couldn't fathom what his thoughts might have been.

"I was looking for the bathroom." Lily uttered before running out of the door again. Those two boys unnerved her, reminding her that she needed to be cautious, so people didn't treat her like that Malfoy had. She hadn't been her relatively shy self with Remus, because in him she saw a kindred spirit, or a beacon or something which shouted out 'friend.' But there was something disquieting in that boy with glasses gaze. It wasn't approving, but it wasn't a Petunia type glare either.

Lily had barely got out of the room before she heard one of them speak. She thought it was the taller of the two - he had a deeper voice. "Well, I don't know that I'll be trying to beat dad's dating record now. What did you think, James?"

There was but a moments pause.

"Well, I suppose someone might find her okay, but... She's not really _our _type, is she?" The boy named James spoke in a decidedly arrogant fashion, as though he had been brought up to treat people like that.

Lily stifled a gasp, and indignantly tiptoed away. He had seemed unnerving but nice, but oh! She would make sure she never went near that boy if she could help it. She didn't hate him - he hadn't completely mortified her, because she had experienced that sort of thing at her primary school, and besides, she hardly knew him, and how could you hate someone you barely knew? 

It still hadn't been a very nice thing to do, though. Obviously, he was not the sort of person she'd want to befriend. And he would never know she had heard his words, but she would never forget them. She was that sort of person. 

~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. Tears & Troublemakers

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Part 2

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Children are just different from one another, especially in temperament. Some are shy, others bold; some active, others quiet; some confident, others less so. Respect for individual differences is... the cornerstone of good ...relationships.

~ Sandra Scarr 

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Lily was over the moon to find herself in Gryffindor House. She hadn't thought she had possessed enough courage, and was rather sure everyone else was astounded as to how she managed to get in. After all, how could a person who barely spoke to anyone else, with the exceptions of Arabella Figg and Remus Lupin, who was too shy to put up her hand in class - how could she be brave?

For once, it seemed the Sorting Hat had been in error when placing a person. But Lily managed to stay in Gryffindor, albeit the quietest person in the common room. James Potter, meanwhile, had become one of the loudest. But Lily ignored him as much as it was possible for a first year who shared every class and the same common room with him. Perhaps she was able to do this because she had seemingly faded into obscurity - no-one ever remembered to see if the diffident girl Lily was around, she never stood out, even though she possessed amongst the fieriest hair in the school (but while ever there was a Weasley around, she could not take the crown). 

As for her classes, Lily had initially thought them all strange, and disliked Defence Against The Dark Arts the most. That was because her teacher, a Professor Wellers, was, quite frankly, a bit freaky. He spoke in whispers, occasionally to yell out something important, except that it was usually in another language. Someone had conjured up a translator charm, so that the students could generally understand, unless the Professor used a language of his own invention (and he did that at least once a week, and the language itself was replaced with equal frequency), which served only to confuse the poor first years, and all other students forced to endure it. 

Even worse, the Professor had a penchant for practical lessons. Considering the sorts of creatures the students were forced to battle with, Lily would have preferred a ten foot long essay a thousand times over. The creatures scared her, as did the idea of there being a Dark Side. She had not failed to learn of You-Know-Who's existence before many days were through, and to hear of his terrible but great deeds. According to Arabella, the fount of wisdom that she was, You-Know-Who had been considered to be a threat for about two years now.

"They say he used to be a student here, you know?" Arabella told Lily one morning on the way to Transfiguration, which was taught by a slightly younger Professor McGonagall, as she twisted a tawny curl around her finger.

"Really? But he's evil!" Lily said, surprised.

"You _do _know there as such things as good and bad magicians, yes? And that some who were good could turn bad. I think that's what happened with You-Know-Who. Or maybe there are people who are just naturally evil, born that way."

Lily shivered, thinking of Lucius Malfoy. 

Transfiguration was something that Lily was simply hopeless at, but she still enjoyed it. But today, what was supposed to become a needle had become an ink pen, which spluttered ink halfway across the room, and then went on a vindictive streak, aiming at anyone holding a wand, and swooping down to ink their face. Lily could have combusted on the spot with shame and embarrassment. 

As it was, her cheeks flushed crimson red, and she had managed to draw the attention of what part of the class wasn't trying to avert their own magical disasters, or wasn't blinded by ink. It looked as though some of them hadn't even previously realised she was in the class. 

"I'm s-sorry." Lily stuttered, as Professor McGonagall swept over to her. Lily looked vaguely at the students around her, and she noticed that the boy in the carriage, who she had since learnt was called James Potter (because Arabella, when not having a crush on Sirius, had one on him), was looking over at her, his eyes brimful with laughter. At that moment, Lily was ready to pack up her bags and run out of the classroom. It wasn't enough that he should speak horribly of her, she had unwittingly become a source of intense amusement, something which did not gratify her in the least.

But Lily stayed, and tested her fortitude by enduring a rebuke from Professor McGonagall about carelessness, and not listening properly, and all manner of other crimes which the Professor deigned to believe her guilty of. Lily stood by stoically, but Arabella could see the watery layer near her eyes, which indicated just how close she was to breaking down. It's always so difficult to just stand by and never murmur a word of protest when someone you admire suddenly turns on you.

Lily had thought that when she left her parents house, Petunia's taunting might have prepared her for any nastiness she might encounter. She had never imagined that there would be anything more than the occasional ribbing about being so short, or some such thing. But then again, she hadn't yet met James Potter or the Slytherins.

Professor McGonagall's taking five points from Gryffindor, with a warning that further mischief could bring a detention, coupled with Potter's apparent amusement and the snide remarks from the Slytherins she passed in the hallway, or with whom she shared classes, could have seriously distressed someone with less inner strength than our Lily. Sedate and tentative she may appear, but inside her was a wealth of courage, which had never yet broken the surface, and which Lily was almost unaware that she possessed. 

The thing was, she had never really been tested, or forced to prove her mettle, as it were. After her detention, rather than take that step, Lily retreated into a greater shyness, speaking only to those who had previously shown her kindness.

"Where's the girl I fell for on the carriage, eh?" Remus asked her gently, one day soon after the mishap. Lily glanced at him forlornly. Remus looked alarmed, because he had never encountered a girl in this sort of state before. 

"Um.. There there?" He attempted to calm her.

Lily didn't seem much calmed by his efforts.

"Come now, Lily." Remus persisted. "You're a Gryffindor, remember? Gryffindors don't give up, and they show exemplary bravery in everything. Which means," he continued in a drawn out manner "you're going to walk out of this room, and you're not going to let anyone be able to notice if things have bothered you. Call it a facade or whatever, but you mustn't let others think you are afraid of them, or they will have an advantage over you. Whatever you do, don't let others see that you feel weak, or they will indeed exploit you."

Lily shrugged. "I'll try, but it's so hard. I feel so out of place, and there are so few people here who I could call friends."

"Look for more. You'll find friends in the most surprising places." Remus advised. 

Lily shook her head vehemently. "You don't understand. I just don't fit in with the others. There's something different about me, and I can't talk to talk to people. It frightens me. I must be too shy. Plus I'm muggle-born. I'm just different."

"I understand how you feel." Remus nodded, but Lily was gesturing as though she didn't believe him. "No really, I do." 

"Remus, thank you for being there." Lily said quietly, the words evidently a strain. "Now I need to think. Would you be very offended if I asked you to leave?"

Remus stood on the threshold of indecision. Lily looked emotionally unstable, but he agreed to leave, wondering all the while if there was more to Lily than he had seen. Why was she so weak in the face of this? Where was the Gryffindor courage? What had happened to her between the arrival at Platform Nine and Three Quarters, and now?

Puzzling over these thoughts in his head as he walked back through the corridors, Remus didn't realise he was about to bump into someone.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

At first Remus feared he had bumped into a teacher, or someone from another house. But when he realised it was merely James Potter, he heaved a sigh of relief. James had been quite amiable to him up till now, and the grin on his face didn't express an exacerbated temper. 

"Lupin, isn't it?" James asked genially.

"Yes, Remus Lupin. And you're Potter."

"Sirius Black" James' sidekick edged in with his share of the conversation, bowing elegantly, like he had been taught in his etiquette classes."

"Charming." James decided, admiring Sirius' flourishing elegance.

"Bonzer." Remus ventured to smile.

"Oh, get over it. Enough of the civilities." Sirius snapped in a friendly manner. "So," he glanced at Lupin, "Are you a mischief maker, or a teacher's pet?"

"Scouts honour it wasn't me that put fireworks in Da's shed and caused streamers to fly out when it blew up, Ma." Remus mimicked an innocent child, and batted his eyelids.

"Mum, it wasn't *my* fault the owl decided to sport a new hot pink look. But it's pretty hip hop and happening, if you ask me." James too adopted an innocent-as-a-baby appearance.

"Bah! I exceed you both." Sirius boasted. "I triggered the floo powder network so that every time my mother meant to go to London, she ended up in Greenland. And then when she caught on, I changed it to Aberdeen."

"You never told me about that!" James murmured with great amusement. "Wish I'd thought of it."

James had a friendly disposition when he found himself in the company of those with like dispositions, or similar interests. He saw in Remus Lupin a gentle lad who, although possessing an angelic appearance, could pull pranks like the best of them. Being somewhat experienced in the genetic makeup of successful mischief makers, James realised having someone who looked like they were simply incapable of roguishness was a very valuable asset. Which was why he had hunted down this boy, and decided to befriend him. And after seeing the gleaming twinkle of Remus' eyes, it certainly wouldn't be hard at all to befriend him. He was just the sort of boy your parents wanted you to be friends with - or at least that was the deceptive appearance he successfully gave. 

Before many days were over, the three had become practically inseparable, except for the times when Remus was with Lily, when Lily studiously avoided Potter and his cohort, preventing Remus from associating with them. He didn't mind. It was nice to have two different sorts of friends - one a serious lot, but also a bunch you couldn't take seriously.

The group of three - James, Sirius and Remus - became four by the end of September, when Peter Pettigrew joined the ranks. He didn't possess the same good-humour that characterised the other three, but shared a love of mischief and attaining what seemed like an impossible number of detentions in as short a time as possible. By the end of the first fortnight, James and Sirius were clapping each other on the back at a very admirable eight detentions each - almost one a day.

But James was stubborn. He fully intended to break his father's record of 100 detentions in a semester. Considering the pranks Remus and Sirius had already thought of, or were going to think of, or which had already been put into practise, the boys reckoned 100 detentions each could be achieved in something as appallingly short as three months.

Professor McGonagall and the other teachers were only just beginning to get the measure of what a bunch of uproarious but intensely clever boys could get up to in such a place as Hogwarts, and the realisation that there would be seven years of this was hardly uplifting.

To the teachers, anyway. 

James already had grand plans for the years ahead. He was going to be part of the Quidditch team, his parents expected it of him, but he had an obstinate streak which was not going to detract him from his set purpose. If he wanted to be part of the Quidditch team, then by George, nothing short of his own death would stop him. Anything James Potter wanted he achieved. Call it determination, call it pure ambition, a driving force or avid persistence, but through being spoiled and cosseted and the like, James was brought to believe himself practically invincible in whatever he chose to do. The words obstinate and firmly mulish, though expressing his stubbornness, didn't have a nice enough ring to it; James regarded himself as tenacious, instead. 

He was always out to make himself appear to best advantage, even if it was detrimental to someone else. The exception to this was his interaction with his three best friends. They were all equals, no-one sought to be better than another, though James and Sirius invariably unconsciously managed to break this understanding. But otherwise, James' pride and temerity left him wounding poor little innocents like Lily Evans, without even noticing. It just came naturally. He'd been brought up that way. He was that sort of person.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	3. Changes & Conspirators

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Part 3

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Okay, so I know you can become a prefect in fifth year, but for the purposes in this story, I'm making it sixth year. And we've now skipped to the beginning of the kids' sixth year.

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It is no small mischief to a boy, that many of the best years of his life should be devoted to the learning of what can never be of any real use to any human being. His mind is necessarily rendered frivolous and superficial by the long habit of attaching importance to words instead of things; to sound instead of sense. 

~William Cobbett (1762–1835), 

~~

Lily always spent the first couple of days on her holidays relaxing, on a well deserved break. But once the holidays started to drag on, she always wished she could return to Hogwarts. This happened every year, but Lily was even more eager to return this year, her sixth year, because she had been made a prefect. Her parents were absolutely thrilled, Petunia continually scowled, and complained to her now fiancé, Vernon, while distancing her twenty-two year old self even further away from her seventeen year old sister. Petunia usually managed to do this by taking herself to discos and other _normal_ places for young people in the seventies. Lily, however, derived more entertainment through reading spell books than dressing up in funky orange tube tops or lime green mini skirt and singing to _Dancing Queen_, by ABBA. Not that Lily had anything against ABBA, but the whole disco scene left her quaking. It was too loud and raucous for her sensibility, and for her quiet and sedate, not to mention shy state of being. 

So instead, Lily studied to her hearts content, which, when school time came around, was a decided advantage, because Lily was always ahead of the others in such things as Charms and History of Magic. She could never beat Severus Snape, a Slytherin, in Potions, but Snape only had one specialty, and was fairly commonplace at everything else, so Lily didn't mind.

But then there was James Potter. Her rival. Not just because of his fateful words the first day they met, but because he was such a good student. Lily had obtained a large quantity of O.W.L.'s at the end of the last term, but she was certain Potter must have got at least the same amount as her. He drew rings around her in Transfiguration, she returned the favour in Charms and History of Magic. But then when it came to flying, he was the Gryffindor Seeker, and she could barely get on a broom without tripping over. She always topped Muggle Studies, it was so easy for her, but inevitably drew the word 'mudblood' into the conversation of many not so fortunate students. For some reason, Sirius and James always did exceptionally well in Divination, a class Lily couldn't take seriously, so she had switched to the study of Ancient Runes. Herbology was a class that neither had an advantage in, the top marks in the class switched between the two every time there were exams. 

But then again, people never seemed to notice if Lily topped the class, even though _everyone _knew if James had. Lily had so steeped herself in her timidity that she was overlooked, meaning she became the quiet achiever. James, meanwhile, was the one everyone noticed. It had been like that ever since the beginning, and Lily didn't see how things would change this year or next.

Remus was away from classes too often to be an exceptional student. Lily had discovered why he was away from class so frequently when doing some additional study early in her second year. Remus was aware Lily knew, but they had never discussed it in depth. Instead, Lily just looked out for Remus before the onslaught of the full moon, and took notes for him in the classes he missed that she shared with him. 

Five years had wrought changes in Lily. She no longer had an eleven year old's body, but possessed some curves. She didn't have an hourglass figure - she read too much and exercised too little for that - but her once wavy titian hair had straightened, it's deep red hue making her emerald eyes stand out against her alabaster skin. 

However, Lily was not beautiful. She never would be. Then again, she certainly wasn't plain. She was just pretty, or unusual. She didn't draw the attention of the boys, when there were such beautiful girls as Narcissa Allerton, or Imogen Brown. Even Arabella was, she thought, a far prettier girl. If you went for blondes, that was. Arabella had mid-length blonde hair which curled after she'd washed it, and deep blue-green eyes. Her figure was in about the same condition as Lily's - they were each as keen on sport as the other, and were usually to be found having study sessions in Lily's favourite room - the library. Arabella joined Lily because she was only a moderate student, and saw the need for work to improve her grades. Not that it ever seemed to happen - the Hogwarts end of term papers were full of tricky questions, and then some which disappeared if you didn't answer them quickly enough.

Arabella and Lily's friendship was not a strong one, but nor was it one that would dissolve at the first sign of antipathy. Arabella confided in Lily her long line of crushes (of which Sirius Black and James Potter featured far too much for Lily's own liking), and Lily would have reciprocated, had there been anyone. 

But there wasn't. 

She had passed through almost all her teenage years without liking anyone more than moderately. It seemed a sorry state of affairs, but Lily saw no cause for repine.

~*~*~*~*~*~

James Potter, however, had liked quite a few girls in his time. He was appalled that Sirius had liked even more. His latest squeeze was rather too plentiful with the grungy makeup, so James didn't think she'd last long. Besides, her name was Drusilla, and that was just screaming out that things were rotten in the state of Denmark.

"Please tell me you don't call her Dru." James pleaded one time while talking with Sirius over the fence between their houses. "That's just plain shoddy."

"No, she likes being called Petal." Sirius said, with a look of barely contained disgust.

James pretended to retch. "Oh that's just wrong. Listen, do you think we should show Remus as soon as we return to Hogwarts? I think we've got all the contingency plans in case of disaster worked out, and I don't want to wait too much longer."

"Yeah, sounds groovy." Sirius waved his fingers around in a hippy-like fashion.

"Oh don't tell me you've been brainwashed like the rest of society, my dear Padfoot."

"No indeed, Prongs. These nifty clothes you see me wearing" (pointing to a tie-dyed shirt with ruffles and brown spandex flares) "Are a birthday present from my poor aunt. My poor _blind_ aunt, I think I need not remind you."

James blinked. "Any more delightful presents? I thought I was doing bad when Uncle Reginald gave me the _Book of Smells_, thinking it was a Book of Spells. Remember that one? Opened it up and got a whiff of used kitty litter. Next page was the delicious odour of burnt toast, and after that, someone's boudoir. Only problem being they must have _doused _it in perfume. I think we must have reeked for days afterwards. I remember the milkman looking at me very strangely."

Sirius guffawed as he choked with laughter . "Oh yeah. My. Cousin. Gertrude. Gave. Me. A. Potion."

"Oh yes?" James asked with interest.

"It's a really useful one." Sirius explained, his purple face returning to its normal colouring. "Dab it on someone while they're sleeping, and the entirety of the next day, you hear everything they think. All the stuff they never say out loud. Could prove _verrrrrrrrry_ interesting, methinks."

James clapped his hands with glee. "How much have you got? Can it be made again? Will we save it for a special occasion?"

"Um, I've got a jar. I think it's pretty advanced potion work, but I could ask for it again for Christmas. Depends what your definition of special is, Mr. Prongs."

"Have to think of a good time. Oh," James said, as if he had just thought of something, "Did you know I've been made a prefect?"

"I thought you would have been, but congratulations all the same, Prongsie old boy."

"Yeah. I just wish I knew who the other Gryffindor sixth year prefect is. Do you think Drusilla will be the Ravenclaw prefect?" 

"My dearest Petal? Lord help us if she is. That'd be tragic. Anyway, I think I hear y'mum calling ya."

"Pity that. Are you coming down to Diagon Alley with us next week? We'll go to Fortescue's after we've done our shopping."

"You're on, Prongsie."

"Right-o Padfoot. Now I must dash." James said, as he ran in the direction of his mother's imperious voice. "Coming, mama!"

****


	4. Records & Revelations

****

Part 4

~~

The intimate revelations of young men, or at least the terms in which they express them, are usually plagiaristic and marred by obvious suppressions. 

F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940),

~~

It was September First, and the Hogwarts Express was happily chugging along towards its destination. It was crowded with students from all the Hogwarts years, but there were few compartments more noisy, mischievous, rambunctious and rowdy than the one which was currently host to Mssrs Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs. 

They had each had these nicknames since about last June, when they finally decided which Animagus form they'd take. Well, except for Remus, who had been known as Moony almost since forever, and who was still deluded into thinking that the whole Animagus idea was one that had swiftly come and gone during Second Year, and who was going to be very shocked when they revealed their secret in the first weeks of this term. Sirius and James had spent much of their holiday working on this Transfiguration, eager to put their newly-gained permission to do magic at home to good use. 

But these four boys, who were approaching manhood, (at least in looks if not maturity), were greatly enjoying their time together. The favourite topics of discussion were Sirius' latest squeeze : the unfortunately named Drusilla, Peter's voice _finally _breaking - two years after all the other's had, Remus' astronomy chart and his planned 'getaway' dates for the year, and James' appointment as the Gryffindor male Prefect. (Alongside this were of course, the debates over the respective merits of Dungbombs and Honeydukes' latest treat, the Gargoyle Gobstopper, and ideas for future detentions.)

"So how many have you had now?" Remus asked casually over a half eaten chocolate frog (he'd always had a partiality for chocolate).

"What, girlfriends or detentions?" Sirius grinned, as he watched James spit the remains of a Bertie Bott Every Flavour Bean across the room.

"Sorry. Raw Onion." James explained apologetically, earning him everyone's amused glance for a time.

"Well, I suppose either. No, wait, I don't want to know how many girlfriends you've had, because none of them have been remotely serious, eh Sirius." Remus continued

"Oh give up on the 'S' word when you're around me" Sirius growled. "But as to your question, my dear Moony, you should remember that James and I have both surpassed our respected parent's detention records, which were easily cracked within the first year. James has now averaged six detentions a week for the past eighteen months, but I have had several more than him all up, all due to the *unforgettable* incident in Third Year concerning good old Snape, afros, dungbombs and painting the Slytherin common room hot pink, all at 3am on Hallowe'en morning. You do remember that one, don't you? I regard it as the pinnacle of my ambition."  


"Yeah, you got two months worth of detention and about a hundred points taken off, didn't you?" Peter asked admiringly. "Wish we had have thought of it, it was a ripper."

James coughed. 

Sirius looked over at his best friend and his face broke into a grin "Don't you wish you hadn't been knocked out by that Bludger for a fortnight? You could have helped me, Jamesie boy. But you'll have to behave yourself, now that you're a Perfect Prefect."

Remus snorted, while James glared at the others. "I'll wager you I can still keep up with my pranks and such, and still stay a prefect. And besides, you're all just jealous that I get a better bathroom."

"Oh darn. He's found us out." Peter giggled, his oily hair shaking.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Enough. We all know Prongs is *muffled snort* Prefect, so of course he's going to be a *snigger* perfect role model for all the other, more plebeian Gryffindors...."

"Ah shutup. I see the Hogsmeade Station." James looked out the window, anxious for his first sight of Hogwarts in months. Much as he loved his own house, Hogwarts was also an integral part of himself, his home away from home. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I wonder who the other prefect is." Lily said quietly to the girl who sat beside her, who was the only person apart from Remus Lupin she could actually talk to without constraint. Arabella. Good old Arabella, the beguiling creature who spent most of her time levitating down the corridors to the library, (even though it *was* against school rules) and who had consecutive crushes on all boys who weren't in Slytherin, and then some in Slytherin, just for good measure and a bit of variety.

Not that many of them ever reciprocated. It wasn't true that *none* had returned her feelings, because there was that one kind-hearted Hufflepuff in the girls' Second Year, but one out of about fifty was hardly a good ratio. 

"Oh, I don't know." Arabella said, her fine blonde hair falling out of it's clip, as it was far too frequently wont to do. Lily had started to look in her Charms books after finishing the O.W.L's for something that would effectively tie back Arabella's angel-fine hair. Usually nothing short of a tight braid worked, and her hair was too long to be out all the time, due to its hazardous propensity in Potions class for falling in cauldrons and being set alight. This had happened twice before, and the Potions master had been close to an apoplexy of rage last time, scaring Lily and Arabella so much that they couldn't be in the same room as him for a month without shaking if he looked in their direction.

"But I reeeeeeally hope it's Sirius. He's absolutely dreamy." Arabella smiled at the roof of the carriage, obviously envisaging a certain someone's face there. 

"No, surely Remus would have told me when he sent me an owl last week. And what do you mean, dreamy? Sirius isn't dreamy!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Ah shut up." Lily rolled her eyes. "I give up. We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. And I take it that Sirius must be the lucky chap this week?"

"Yeah." Arabella blushed hotly. "But I don't think he'd notice me. I mean, he's so busy just keeping up with all his detentions, I don't see how he has time for anything else."

Lily kept silent with her thoughts. She didn't see how anyone could possibly like someone whose ambition revolved around trouble making. When she fell in love, it would be to someone who was noble and brave, and serious - someone who wasn't a mischief maker, bent on pranks - someone totally unlike, to draw a name out of a hat, for instance, James Potter.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	5. Prefects & Poems

****

Part 5

~~

__

A poem is good until one knows by whom it is. 

~Karl Kraus 

~~

JAMES POTTER WAS THE OTHER PREFECT??????????????????????????? 

What did they think they were DOING, making *HIM* the other prefect????? Lily scowled into her pillow that evening, a prey to the dismals. It was astonishing enough at first, just that Hogwart's resident prankster could have been offered the position, and Lily rather suspected that she and Arabella had gawked when Professor Dumbledore announced him as the prefect. But then, as Lily was standing up beside James, after her name had been called out, she was suddenly hit by reality. A most unpleasant reality. 

If James Potter was the other prefect, then she'd have to get along with him for the next year. And not just the gruff-nod-of-head-in-the-other's-direction sort of get along, but the type where they had discussions together, and made plans for things such as the sixth year's ball They'd have to be in each other's company, actually have to talk with each other. It was a rort, Lily thought as she slammed her pillow down, a reprehensible act by the teachers to make her have the least enjoyable year of her life. 

What was she going to do this year then, if she'd have to spend it with James *ruddy* Potter?

~*~*~*~*~*~

James was still in shock. LILY EVANS WAS THE OTHER PREFECT????????????????????????? Who _*was*_ Lily Evans??? He hadn't even initially recognised her name when it was called out, which was appalling really. But then when he'd seen the pale-faced girl that answered to the name 'Lily Evans', he realised why he hadn't recognised it. 

She was that Gryffindor girl who hid behind a massive chair in the common room, only venturing to speak to one or two other girls. The one who never voluntarily spoke in class, but still managed to run rings around him in charms. The one who had broken her arm during her first flying lesson, and shook if she had to go near a broomstick. The one who never stood out in the crowd, but always blended in to the point of invisibility. He'd forgotten that she had a name. She was always 'that red-haired girl.'

Wait. This was the Lily that Remus sometimes spoke of. Remus said that she was a lovely person. Well, James wasn't sure that he applauded Moony's definition. Maybe she was a stunner on the inside, because looking at her from a distance, she wasn't exactly a treasure. Sure, she was unusual, with her fiery hair and cool green eyes, but she wasn't your regular English Rose beauty. That was for sure.

But since she was the other prefect, he'd have to know her, have to talk with her. It wasn't exactly something he greatly desired to do, but he realised it would be very beneficial when it came to organising matters as prefects later on in the year. Perhaps Remus could help him with that. If she liked Remus, then the odds were she was a pretty docile, softly-spoken lass, and she'd be easy to befriend, maybe even charm. But if she wasn't, and his interpretation of her character was wrong (as though it would be, he scoffed.)......... well,..... He just hoped she didn't have a temper which matched her hair colour.

This year was certainly going to be different to what he had expected.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, James mused, his first encounter with Lily Evans, the next day, had hardly gone well. In fact, it had gone miserably. James hadn't realised what her attitude to him was, and came expecting her to immediately fall at his feet, because after all, that's what girls did, wasn't it? 

Her not doing so, and instead viewing him with a combination of distaste and trepidation, both puzzled and angered him. At first he had treated her tolerantly, but as Lily stoically refused to speak more than a few words to him, (or as Lily viewed it, was too distrustful to respond to his flirty remarks), he had reacted with bitterness. His good-humoured smile had been replaced, by the end of their interchange, with a satirical grimace, something Lily had previously only seen on the likes of Severus Snape and his buddies.

This frightened Lily immensely, because run-ins with Snape in the past few years had hardly been good experiences. She was _scared _of him, and now it seemed she not only disliked James Potter, but she would be scared of him too. Lily looked up into James' now harsh eyes, and blinked back her own tears of fright. This was not someone who you could cross. Oh what, what what was she to do for the rest of the year??

~*~*~*~*~*~

"It's Snape again, isn't it?" Lily murmured as she walked into her dormitory a few days later, and confronted a white-faced Arabella. 

"Yes. He wrote me a letter." Arabella said, clutching a sheet of parchment, which she handed over to Lily. "I wish he'd stop."

Lily nodded and sat down on her bed, preparing to read the letter. "He's got awful handwriting. You can hardly read it. If he was a muggle he'd be a doctor, no doubt about it!"

"Doctor?" Arabella scrunched her face up.

"Oh, a healer, to you, dear." Lily explained. "Right, but back to this letter. _My dearest, most amiable & obliging, charming & virtuous.._.. Gracious he doesn't know your true nature at all, girly! ... I'll keep reading..."

__

"My dearest, most amiable & obliging, charming & virtuous Bella" Lily began to read, before an interruption by Arabella. 

"You see the liberties he takes!!! He called me Bella!! Why, my I don't even let my *parents* call me that!!!!"

Lily nodded sympathetically. "Yes, he's obviously an audacious wretch. But let me read this letter!"

"Oh yes. Sorry." Arabella said in muffled accents.

"_Here is a little poem I composed in honour of yourself_. Oh dear, Snape wrote you *poetry* ??? He's even more far gone than we supposed. 

_Your hair is as fine as the brightest sunny day,_

Your eyes I see shining even during exams in May.

"Oh that's terrible. Never pay him to write you poetry, Belle, dear."

__

I follow you round, never making a sound,

I marvel as your feet lift off from the ground.

"Aaah! He knows you love levitating!"

__

I watch you smile when you laugh, tinker and play,

I wish it were me that made you that way. 

"Oh he's asking for it." Lily decided.

How I wish I could do more with or for you

How desperately I crave to be beside you, too. 

"Ugh! That's just disgusting." 

Dearest I love you, that you must believe,

Dearest don't deny me, or with jealousy I'll seethe.

"Is 'seethe' the best word he could come up with that rhymed with believe? How sad!" 

_Tell me there's no other, no one who possesses your heart,_

Tell me you'll never behave like a tart.

"Huh? I don't even know what he's on about! How stupid! As though you'd behave like a lemon pastry! The guy's destined for St. Mungo's, dearie."

__

I'm watching over you, and I'll always do so,

I'm going to watch you even after our children grow.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Looks like you've got a long-term stalker on your hands, Belle."

__

I'll do this for free, I'll never charge you a levy,

Just remember I love you always, your Sevvie.

Lily threw the letter away from herself as if it were venomous.   
"That-would-have-to-be-the-most-disgustingly-appalling-thing-I-have-ever-read" she whispered without taking a breath. What are we going to do?"

Arabella stepped forward. "Well, I've been thinking for the better part of the last hour. And I have a proposition, which after much heart-rending consideration I have decided is the best option."

"Yes?" Lily said with great interest.

"You and me. We're running away to the circus. Immediately."

~*~*~*~*~*~


	6. Action & Animagi

****

Part 6 

Wow! Back after so long (I cannot stop apologising enough for leaving you all in the lurch for so long. I've moved house, and I *still* haven't got internet access in my new place, but thanks to the beneficence of my very good friend, here is some more! & I do have more written up, so I promise I'll post again shortly.)  
  
~*~  
  
_Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt.  
~William Shakespeare, Measure For Measure_

~*~

Lily stood in stunned silence for a moment. Then she blinked. "The circus, you say?" She said conversationally, hiding the gales of laughter she felt were just begging to be released. At least with Arabella she felt that she could act like herself. Like the true girl that she was - exuberant over some things, less than enthusiastic with others, rather than hiding behind the shy facade she put up for practically the rest of the world.

"But you're a full-born witch. You don't know anything about the muggle world."

"Dur! Not a _muggle_ circus, silly! They're so dirty! And really quite boring, if you ask me. I went to one when I was about seven. I wasn't impressed. No no no, a _wizard_ circus! They're so much better! They're full of acrobatic displays and _real _magic tricks, not some half-hashed up addle-brained thing involving rabbits and hats. I mean, really, everyone should know rabbits don't really come out of the hat. Muggles aren't *that* stupid, are they?"

"Well, there is my sister Petunia..." Lily hinted.

"Point taken. They _are _that stupid. More's the pity. But a wizard circus - oh! They're such fun! And they welcome people who are in dire situations, provided they don't have a nom de plume or alias like You-Know-What. And if you ask me, this is the perfect dire sort of situation."

"I have to admit. If a greasy Slytherin who we all know wears briefs with pink elephants on them... (here Arabella sighed and whispered the words 'Dear Sirius. He was so good to warn us')..... And who had a fake tattoo on his back that said "ELVIS RULES FOREVER" on it (Arabella shuddered), had written such a letter to me, then yes, I'd seriously be considering skipping the country. _Or_, if I had more inner strength, like you, I'd stay and haunt him. He's an awful, awful person, but you shouldn't let him scare you. I think we should show this to someone, and they can advise us on what to do."

"It's a pity you can't take your own advice." Arabella said bitterly, staring angrily down at the letter on the floor. "And use the inner strength I know you've got to be hiding somewhere. It has to be somewhere - find it! I think you should start trying to give what you get sort of thing - show the world you're not the invisible being they thought you were. It's true - you saw how few people had a look of recognition when your name was called out as prefect. Well, we're going to change things. I know what you're really like. Fiesty cookie, you are. But everyone *else* needs to know what you're really like. You're going to be the model fearless Gryffindor that I know you really are. From Right Now."

Lily stared at Arabella, as though she couldn't comprehend her. "Me?" Lily blinked, then a steely look came into her eyes. "Impossible."

"Well of course it's going to be impossible" Arabella said huffily, "Whilever you have *that* attitude! Carpe diem! Seize the day! Make your life extraordinary! Do something! Not just breathe!"

"Can you help me? I mean, show others than maybe I'm not who I appear to be?" Lily asked doubtfully.

"Hey, I can try!"

Lily allowed herself to smile. "Great. I'll try too then. BUT, if it's going to happen, then *you* my dear, are going to stand up to ickle Sevvie."

Arabella groaned. "Piqued, Repiqued & Capotted."

"Precisely." Lily replied with a gleam.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"What do you mean you're coming with me? You do realise _it's that time of the month_, don't you?" Remus gestured out at the pale orb which was the full moon, the image which he detested, and which had caused more heartache and nightmares than any other. "It's...... not... safe... for.... you" he uttered explosively.

"Well of course he's right, you know Sirius," James said with a wink "It's not at all safe for humans."

"When have I ever acted like a human?" Peter interrupted them.

"A valid point. In fact, I'd say Peter was more of a rat than he was a human." Sirius' eyes twinkled with amusement, which was shared by James. Peter, however, looked a bit miffed.

"It's not safe" Remus persisted. "You know that."

"For humans, yes, we agree. But for _*animals*, _no. And Remus...... This Is Your Life!!!"

"No, you IDIOT! Wrong call!!!"

"Um, Remus........ This is the part...."

"I can't believe how much of a dolt you are, Sirius." James muttered. "You've missed your chance, *I'm* telling him."

"Telling me what?" Remus asked, mystified.

"We're animals."

"Stupid! I know that already! You behave like them at the breakfast table." Remus tried to smile, but was failing.

"No, you don't understand. We're animals. Or more particularly, we're Animagi."

Remus had been about to say something, but at those words, his thoughts were completely scattered. He gaped at his friends, looking into the three pairs of eyes that surrounded him.

"Don't. Don't be cruel."

"Cruel? How are we being cruel?"

"You can't be animagi! It's far too advanced, not to mention illegal."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, and we're all _*renowned* _for never breaking rules."

"Then you're not lying?" Remus' eyes showed the faintest glimmer of hope.

"Would we lie to you, our dear friend? Especially over such a matter?" James asked gently. "Watch."

James' body began to change colour and form, and within moments he had become a handsome silvery-white stag. 

"Prongs!" Remus said, finally realising the implication of the nicknames the other three had been using since the beginning of term. Prongs nodded his silver head lightly, and Remus watched him, transfixed.

Then he burst out crying.

Prongs became James again, and he looked anxiously at Sirius, who was looking at Peter, who was looking stunned at Remus. "You all right, buddy?"

"You did this for me, so I wouldn't have to be alone?"

"Yup. Watch me now!" Sirius said proudly, transforming himself into a great black dog.

Remus blinked back more tears. This was more than he'd ever imagined, an act of friendship greater than he'd ever thought he would experience. "And Peter..... I suppose...... You're a rat?"

"How ever did you guess?" Peter rolled his eyes, his tail suddenly revealing itself.

Remus' breath caught in his throat. These boys - his best friends - the Marauders - they were Amazing. Brilliant. Awesome. And they had done it for him, to make his hellish experience more enjoyable. Words could never hope to completely express his feelings, gratitude, everything. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily was not blind to the fact that Remus was far happier at the moment than he had ever been before. He smiled at everyone, even though his eyelids drooped over tremendously, declaring a lack of sleep. Considering that this was the week proceeding the full moon, Lily was rather surprised. Usually this was the time when Remus was most morose, coming close to even snapping at people, something he never did when in his more genial moods.

But this week he was grinning, laughing, participating in pranks, falling asleep on the way to Divination, and then again during the class.... He even happily served a detention for being too cheerful in one of Professor Binn's History of Magic classes.

Lily was very suspicious, and after a week of watching the deliriously happy Remus muck about, she confronted him. He was so chirpy that he revealed everything to her, which resulted in Lily's face being contorted with shock. 

James Potter and his friends had become Animagi, for Remus' sake?

James Potter was so caring and considerate that he had been planning and preparing since the Second Year?

James Potter was so stubborn, that he let nothing get in the way of relieving Remus' misery?

James Potter was a really nice person to some people? 

Friendly, kind, caring, considerate, gentle, mild, temperate, persistent........ These had been the words Remus used to describe James, during his happy raving. 

Lily had never thought of James as such a person, but now Remus had forced those thoughts into her head. It was true _*she*_ had never liked him, because he had never done anything to her that would make her like him, but there was an insistent nagging in her mind.

__

If he did this sort of thing for his best friend, he would be just the sort of friend you'd want. The sort you'd die for, and never betray. The sort that was a friend for ever and for always..... 

Much as she liked Remus and Arabella, they weren't *that* sort of friends. 

__

Maybe you want a friend like that, Lily, her conscience said as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror....... _Maybe you want someone to like you so much they'd put themselves out like that for you.... Maybe you are just put out that someone you thought you really really disliked can't be that bad after all......_

"Shutup!!!" Lily yelled at her reflection, willing her conscience to cease talking, because she didn't want to acknowledge these thoughts. The voices did cease, but then the mirror started raving, and complaining about how hard done by it was. After several minutes Lily was able to console the mirror, and it stopped threatening to break next time she looked into it.

Worn out by her exertions, Lily collapsed into her bed that night, but she couldn't fall asleep. She kept thinking about was James Potter, and how she was *sure* he really wasn't such a nice person.... Obviously, someone was deluded about his true self.... Remus, perhaps. 

She just hoped it wasn't herself that was deluded.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. Bets & Boredom

Part 7 - Bets & Boredom.  
  
(Next chapter we begin to have the remnants of a plot!)  
  
~~  
For most men (till by losing rendered sager)  
Will back their own opinions by a wager.   
George Gordon, Lord Byron  
~~  
  
"Hey, Evans!" Lily heard a voice call out to her in the Great Hall as she was eating her breakfast.  
  
She looked up, startled, but realised it was James Potter, who was flanked by Sirius Black.   
  
The cause of her present puzzlement and of last night's lack of sleep.  
  
"Don't call me Evans. That's such a *masculine* thing to do. I have a name. It's Lily. Use it." She glared at him, and he looked at her in surprise. Normally she just looked up at him with that innocent gaze, as though she was in fright of what he was going to say.  
  
He noticed that even Arabella Figg, the girl she was always with, was looking at her with a measure of astonishment.  
  
"I didn't have much sleep last night, Belle. Added to that I dreamt we had to wear tea cosies instead of our robes as a uniform. Don't. Push. Me."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Arabella said, instantly alert. Was this part of the All-New Lily Plan, or was this attitude caused by something else? She looked over at Sirius, to see what he thought of the situation, but quickly looked away when she saw him grinning at her. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go... She was the one who looked at him, not the other way round....  
  
Meanwhile, James continued warily watching Lily. She looked... Well, almost mutinous! And it also looked as though she was blaming him for something.  
  
"Okay then, L-i-l-y, we've got a Prefects meeting with Dumbledore at 11 o'clock. I checked your schedule...."  
  
"How'd you do that??"  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I needed some practice with Wingardium Leviosa, so I lifted your books - and your diary while I was at it - so I could check."  
  
Lily looked livid for a moment, then calmed down. "I don't have a diary." She said, lightly smiling.  
  
"You silly witch, we have Transfiguration every Wednesday at that time, and as you're a Gryffindor like myself, it wasn't too hard to realise you'd have the same class. Elementary, really."   
  
Lily flushed. Trust herself to always end up embarrassed, even when there had been no need.  
  
"Anyway, " James persisted, "I checked your - our - schedule, and we've got Transfiguration and Potions to miss out on. Pity about the Transfiguration, but I'm cheering at the prospect of missing Potions. So, see you at eleven. In the room on the fifth floor past the statue of Hildebrand Higglington the Honourable. You know, the pompous looking one who glares at you and speaks in lilted Gaelic. Password's "Perfect Mayhem". "   
  
And with that, he stalked out of the room.  
  
"You have to admit," Arabella said admiringly, "That boy's got a presence. And not just out on the Quidditch pitch."  
  
"Go jump." Lily retorted, banging her fork accidentally against her plate. She cringed at the clattering noise it created, and left the room, murmuring the mystical words "Charms.... Library.... Study."  
  
"Hah. Like she needs to study charms." Sirius whispered loudly in Arabella's direction. "Ten to one she's planned a secret rendezvous with someone. Not mentioning any names, of course," she added with a wink.  
  
Arabella looked directly at Sirius, surprise evident in her expression. "What, *her?* No, she'd kill him outright before they'd dated a night, I think."  
  
"Or he'd do it to her before she got the chance." Peter interjected.  
  
"I know James. I also happen to know Lily." Remus responded. "And I think, that if the two of them would only realise it, they would be perfect for each other."  
  
Sirius and Arabella both snorted. "Like that would ever happen!" Arabella spluttered.   
  
"No, really! I speak in sooth! To prove how serious I am, I'll wager you twenty galleons and your homework done for a month if they're not together by...... The end of this year."  
  
"That gives you plenty of time, mister."  
  
"Are you suggesting that it is achievable then?"  
  
"No!" Sirius growled. "I still think it's impossible. All I was saying was that it'll be a very long time before I can get my twenty galleons, plus school would be over so there'd be no need for homework....."  
  
"Okay then. A month before school ends. Say the end of May."  
  
"Done, dear Moony. Done like a dinner. A roasted one, in fact. They're my favourite, you know. Those house elves are ruddy marvellous, aren't they?"  
  
Arabella rolled her eyes, and turned the conversation back to the more pertinent issue. "I demand a share on Sirius' side. Lily isn't going to want James, I'm absolutely certain."  
  
"Well then *I'll* make a bet with you." Peter spoke loudly, drawing the others' attention. "Same stakes, that Lily and James *will* be going out by the end of the year."  
  
"Very well." Arabella grinned. "But you mustn't try to act matchmaker to increase your likelihood of winning. I'll pay you, but only if they get together by themselves. And of course, they mustn't know of these bets. There'd be hell to pay, at least on Lily's part."  
  
"You're on, Miss Figg." Peter smiled at her jovially, while Remus and Sirius shook hands conspiratorially.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lily thought, in later years, that the less said of her first prefects meeting, the better. She clamoured up even more than normal, and was barely able to do more than nod her head at appropriate intervals. This, in spite of the fact that she had been feeling so feisty at breakfast. All her bad tempers seemed to have vanished away, to be replaced by the usual bout of timidity, only heightened. Curse that shyness!  
  
Why was she in Gryffindor again? She'd never done anything brave, and nor was she like to, when in her present state. It seemed a hopeless business. Perhaps she was needing something exceptional to happen to her, which would bring out the daring hidden within. But then she was such a boring person, exceptional things never happened around her. What a conundrum.  
  
"So how was the meeting?" Arabella asked Lily afterwards.  
  
"Oh, just peachy." Lily mumbled. "I barely said a word, except when James looked over at me and I snapped at him. We have to work together on preparing a ball for the end of the year. Blasted Potter actually *volunteered* us! I glared at him for the rest of the meeting, and I'm sure I missed half of what was said. That's not a good thing, but I suppose it was to be expected. Maybe Gordon Dennis should be touted as the next Professor Binns. Why was he made Head Boy again? Did all the other seventh year boys *die* over the holidays?"  
  
"Back up the truck a minute! Let's go back to James Potter. He was looking at you?"  
  
"Yeah, but not in *that* sort of way." Lily clarified, the look in her eyes telling Arabella that she must be stark raving mad to have suggested an alternative..  
  
"Oh, right." Arabella smiled somewhat thinly. Maybe there was the chance of her losing that newly-made bet. "But this is a guy you hate, right?"  
  
"Hate. Yes, I hate him." Lily said mulishly. "Of course I do! Why should I like him? What has he ever done to me to make him like him? And what even makes you think I might like him? Huh? What planet are you from? Jupiter? Or one of it's moons? Io? Callistoe? Ganymede?"   
  
Arabella's smile widened.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	8. Discussions & Destiny

****

Part 8

__

I'm afraid to say that my head must have been invaded by the bug that shut down ff.net. Or perhaps I should just blame my best friend, who came up with the most brilliant plot bunny, that has totally absorbed my imagination, and is begging to be written down. In either case, the likelihood is that my creative time spent on T&T may lessen, and perhaps even dwindle to a stop. I hope this may not be the case, but I suppose I'm just issuing my warning. 

This chapter in which nothing much happens as usual, begins to mention something that will be pivotal to the upcoming J/L relationship. Oh, and meet the newest Mary Sue in the fandom, though hopefully she won't turn on me and become annoyingly perfect. 

~*~

Destiny is something not be to desired and not to be avoided…. a mystery not contrary to reason, for it implies that the world, and the course of human history, have meaning.

~Dag Hammarskjöld 

~*~

"So what did I miss in potions?" James asked Remus, knowing that if he was to ask Sirius the answer would be completely ambivalent. He was rather cast at sea when Sirius promptly replied "Polyjuice Potion. Sounds nifty. I'm already planning to change myself into Snape and wash his hair."

"It sounds pretty tricky, actually, but Professor Melange said we have to wait at least a month till it's ready for use." Remus explained. "You do _know_ what Polyjuice Potion is, don't you?"

"Sure I do. Big potion." James said, racking his brains. "Right. Now to lunch!"

While devouring their meals, and after Peter had inconspicuously thrown some of it at the Slytherins, the mail for the day arrived. Remus received a copy of the _Daily Prophet _alongside a letter from his parents, which he was reading eagerly. 

Sirius disregarded the Howler to his left. Obviously Professor Dumbledore _*had*_ chosen to inform his parents that Snape's pyjamas now yodelled "My darling Clementine" and spun woolen flowers every second day of the year. He was instead avidly surveying the latest Quidditch periodical, keenly pointing out players to anyone stupid enough to listen. When Sirius began talking Quidditch, he began raving. 

"M' sister Laura's having a baby." Peter said loudly, over Sirius' debate about whether Heimrich Spergott or Pierre Duchante performed the Wronskei Feint with more agility.

"That's nice for her" James said absently, wondering where his mail was. "Better hope it doesn't take after its father." (Laura Pettigrew had married a muggle maths teacher). 

The next minute James' attention was diverted. "Laertes! About time!"

"That ruddy owl of yours is getting slower in its dotage." James heard Snape scowl, from behind him. He must have finished his meal and decided to walk around the room. James deigned not to hear him. "Who's your letter from? Some muggle friend?"

"What a stupid question, Snape." Remus remarked. "As though muggles know how to use owl post!"

"It's from my sister." James said shortly.

"Didn't know you had a sister."

"She wouldn't care to know you either, Snape, so all's well that ends well. Now bugger off." James returned to his letter, as Snape skulked away, to return to the company of his friends.

Not many people knew of James' little sister, for some reason. Perhaps that was because she was still too young for Hogwarts, so she wasn't ever seen in public.

James and the other marauders all adored his little sister, (except when she needed to go to sleep and then began whining that "the _boys_ were all allowed to stay up, so why couldn't she? It wasn't faaaaaair.") But James was far away from his sister, and so all her little annoying idiosyncracies were forgotten, and absence made his heart grow fonder. His sister was usually charming around the boys, so James read the letter out loud, that they could all hear about her.

__

Dear Jamie,

How is Hogwarts? Do you like being a prefect? I bet you're the best prefect there. Mama says I can come to Hogwarts next year when I get my letter. Won't that be exciting! Well I'm very excited about it, anyway.

Daddy let me send you these sugarquills. Make sure you think of me when you get into trouble with them. I know you like getting into trouble, because we can't let those Hogwarts owls go out of business, can we? (And I know that's not going to happen any time soon. Do you know we get one nearly every day? You and Remus and Sirius and Peter must all be fantastic.)

Guess what! I've grown a centimetre already since you left! I'll be as tall as a broomstick by the next time you see me!

Are you coming home for Christmas? Can Sirius come home too? He always sneaks me sweets. I like him.

Mama says I have to stop writing now because Laertes is getting fidgetty.

Love you lots.

Chloe. 

"So that's how you manage to bribe her, Sirius." James smiled, and he looked over at the sugarquills.

"Yep. She happens to like all the Every Flavour beans I don't like, plus she has an uncanny ability to be able to pick the flavour just by smelling the beans. I thought they *had* no smell.

"Intuition perhaps?"

"Either that or you've developed a dog's sense of smell. Better look out for some dung, doesn't everything smell like that? I heard that somewhere.... ."

"Great sense of humour you've got, Mssr. Pettigrew. You should perform in the town square. Get back in your box." Sirius snapped.

"Don't upset him or he'll lick you. Or better yet, he'll pee on you." James snickered.

"Don't I wish I knew the characteristics of deer better, so that I could rib *you*! Should have watched that muggle movie with my sister. Io actually cried when its mum died. What was it called? Oh! Bambi!"

"Pretty stupid name if you ask me."

"Muggles thought it up. Says it all."

"Oh hurrah. Divination next."

"Brilliant. I was foreseeing the need for an afternoon nap."

"He's taking this dog characteristics thing a bit strongly isn't he?" Remus whispered as he nudged James. "Dogs like afternoon naps."

"Shutup. I can hear you."

"Yeah. I think you're right. He's even got an increased sense of hearing - " James returned the nudge.

"Watch it or I'll hex you." Sirius warned, bounding out of the room.

James, Peter and Remus practically rolled on the floor laughing. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

It wasn't that Sirius normally acted the idiot, but people seemed to simplify his personality to such an extent that if they had to describe him in just a few words, he'd be classified a prankster, a loon, or just-your-average-run-of-the-mill-16-year-old-boy-who-still-hadn't-bothered-overmuch-with-developing-his-own-identity, preferring-to-act-like-a-one-dimensional-git-instead.

After all, to change oneself from what they were already seemingly destined to become, seemed like a pointless idea. Sirius was of the mind that you were born with a destiny, and that nothing you did in your life would ever be diverted from your set purpose. You were indeed merely a player in the world Shakespeare called a stage, and there was no point bending over backwards trying to improve yourself, because there could be no improvements, for you could never be more than what you had already become. 

Therefore, in the interests of a much more indolent life, Sirius never strove to change himself, and lackadaisically never went beyond the stereotype of his personality. He was a prankster who did alright at school, who had become an Animagus for the sake of a friend, had a couple of siblings, some girlfriends on the side, and didn't know what ambitions he had for his life, but in the manner of Mr. Micawber was certain that something would come up, without his taxing his thoughts overmuch on the matter. 

In the meantime, however, life would go on. 

Pranks.

Mischief.

Detention.

Homework.

Concocting excuses for why the said homework was not completed.

Discovering that Polyjuice Potion tasted vile, and that turning yourself into someone else wasn't nearly so invigorating as first expected. (Especially when that person had some sort of itching disorder at the time).

Intrigues involving the Astronomy Tower (nicknamed and hereafter known as Snog Central by Remus) and red roses.

Breakups with Petal, Sweetums, Angel, Doll, Babe and Pumpkin.

Discovering some new reason for why Snape should be Public Enemy No. 1.

Yep, life went on pretty much like normal.


	9. Journals & Joking

****

Part 9

~~

__

Back again! Okay, this part would be my favourite of all that I've posted thus far. It contains some autobiographical moments, as well as being my practical outlet for much of the phychological theory I've been exposed to this year. 

(And I love clouds. They would have to be amongst the most fascinating and dreamlike things on earth. So forgive me for the spiel about clouds). 

~~

__

I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving; To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it - but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

~~

Lily looked up at the sky. It was such a beautiful thing, and watching it was such a relaxing activity. The swirls and twists of the cirrus stood out against a deep bay blue, while in other places, the puffy cumulus almost blended in with the soft blue hue. The sky, she noticed, was something that was never constant. Something was always changing. Whether it be merely the positioning of the clouds, or the altering shades as sunset began to break, things were always happening. And yet, strangely enough, it never seemed to be anxious to change, or hurrying against time. Lily smiled as she watched a particularly startling white cloud drift its way across the expanse of sky, wishing she could adapt to change as easily as the sky seemed to. 

Change, in her eyes, was not a good thing. There you were, seemingly perfectly happy doing things in one way, and then wham! Something hits you and you have to deviate from the way you do things. Sure, sometimes things were better, but _sometimes _they weren't. 

For example, Lily had resented becoming old enough to go to school. Her mother had devoted her attention to her previously, teaching her to read, and playing with her. Then one day, her father announced that she'd be going to big school, and she'd be able to go and meet lots of new friends. Lily had much preferred the alternative of staying and being her mother's companion to that. But change had an evil way of making it's appearance felt, and Lily subsequently began at school, half-sullen at being forced to leave her mother's company, and half-anticipating all the things she'd get to know. 

Lily also didn't like the way change was affecting her body. Things she'd never had to worry about before had become a concern, and she found herself becoming more self-conscious. It was well that Hogwarts had a uniform, but when she was going to Hogsmeade, Lily often spent far longer than she should talking to her mirror and asking it for advice about how to put up her hair, or about what colour she should wear. Things were made more difficult by the fact that she didn't always fit into what was considered fashionable, even in the wizarding world, though the muggle world was even worse.

But then again, there had been some good changes. Like discovering that the wizard world existed, and learning how to live in that.... But then that had resulted in a semi-estrangement with her sister, a change that pained Lily's parents even more than it hurt Lily or Petunia. That was something about change..... Once started, it always seemed to bring on other changes. 

Lily rolled over and felt her arm make contact with something firm and pointed. Ah... The diary she'd just started to write in, after Arabella had announced she was disgusted that a teenage girl like her didn't have one. The diary's name was Phoebe, and she had become a virtual friend to Lily, someone she could confide in, as she hadn't really been able to since she left the company of her mother. 

Phoebe promised that she'd only ever disclose the secrets held within her if a person could either answer a list of _very_ personal questions, decided upon by the Witch Diary Protocol Office, or if they could tell her not only the current password, but the password before the current one. Phoebe said that this protocol was something all Diaries had to promise they'd accept and enforce, before they were released at _Flourish & Blotts,_ but that there was no danger of someone finding out the passwords by accident, because they were guarded by some forms of inpenetrable barriers. 

Lily opened the diary and began to write in it.

__

James Potter is a prig. How many times have I said that now?

****

Oh, I set a limit at once a day. What has he done now? 

__

He volunteered himself and me to prepare a ball for Hogwarts next April or May. That means we'll have to plan it all, and it's going to be really big, which means lots of time working with him. Then there's the fact that it's going to be a real ball, not some impromptu hop. Phoebes, I don't even know how to **dance!**

****

That's what dancing instructors are for, Lily.

__

Why me? Why did things have to change? Why can't I stay hidden in my little hole away from everyone else? Why did they make me a prefect? So that I had to go out and do things in the public eye?

****

Sometimes you need to experience change, Lily, so that you realise it isn't always a bad thing. You also need to discover that there's more to life than hiding yourself, looking out of a window, or staying away from the sunny aspects of life. You're not an illusion, you're a real person. Choose freedom, I think it could be advantageous for you. Show everyone what you're capable of! It really won't be that bad. Just don't forget that sometimes maybe some bad things happen, but in the end, the better things are made even more poignant and noticeable then.

__

What were you in another life, Phoebe? A psychologist?

****

No, my dear! I was a mother. I don't need training to realise what sort of things are plaguing you. But they, too, will pass. You just need to make sure you keep yourself cheerful and occupied in the interim.

__

More reading, do you mean? That can be arranged.

Lily closed the diary and smiled up once more at the sky. James must be the bad thing in her life, but eventually he'd disappear, and things would be better. She just had to hold out until then.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I've decided to take up Latin." James announced one morning, as the boys either flicked or consumed Every Flavour Beans in the common room..

"Well, since it's the day for believable announcements, I just wanted you to all know, I'm really the Pope. I'm just in disguise." Sirius spoke, hiding his sour green apple in the crevices of his seat.

Peter laughed. "Do you speak Latin already then? Because you know, living in the Vatican and all... Italian is a derivative of Latin...."

"Oh! Our little Peter is getting cluey! I'm so proud of him!" Sirius pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. 

Remus interrupted. "I think Prongs was approaching being sincere. Were you?"

"Yeah. Fat lot of good it did me." James flicked a purple bean towards Sirius.

"So you really do want to learn Latin?" Sirius asked, reverting back to a slightly more solemn attitude, and deflecting the bean. 

"Course! Just think of the advantages! I could invent a whole heap of new spells.... I could easily translate others.... Plus I'm sure it'd be a bonus in class when we're given a word and supposed to guess what it is. We might actually have a chance of knowing, this way."

"Oooh. Right. But how will this be achieved?"

__

"Te audire non possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure."

"This one's a natural." Remus marvelled. "What does it mean, exactly?" 

"I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear."

"You're kidding, right?"

No! It's true!"

"You're obviously lying. I don't see any bananas. I mean, it's true I had a banana flavoured bean, but I don't _see_ any bananas." Peter said, at a loss.

Remus stifled a snort. James blinked. Sirius shook his head. "There goes that clueyness. Flew in with the breeze, out with the wind..." 

"I still don't get it."

"Me neither, so just pretend you do, and we may get through this unscathed."

"I resent that!"

"Oh, _nunquam coniectaverim_! I never would have guessed!"

"Build a bridge and get over it. I'm sick of you. Eew! That bean must have been broccoli!"

"Gosh, I'm glad Christmas isn't too far away."

"You going home?"

"Yeah, and so are you. That was my point."

"Ah! We're all being perfectly _charming_ this morning, I see."

"That's it. I'm leaving. My bed beckons."

"It's ten o'clock in the morning, Peter!"

"Oh, I won't let it weigh with me. Night!"

"What colour beans do you reckon *he* had?"

Dunno, but I hope it does something to his breath. I've smelt sewers that were cleaner."

"Leave him alone. He was just upset that you started mocking him. You know he looks up to you guys." Remus lectured. 

James and Sirius had the decency to look half-remorseful. That sensation lasted about twenty seconds. "Nahhh. He would have said something." 

As Remus considered the matter while the others went to get some homework, he thought that James and Sirius were mistaken. They were always misinterpreting Peter's actions. Perhaps that was because Peter was a simple yet complex character. He tried to sound intelligent, but it usually backfired, yet there had been instances in the past when Peter proved himself more knowledgeable than the other three on a particular subject. His actions didn't always speak for themselves, sometimes he did things that were unexplainable, and no matter how hard he tried, Remus couldn't work out how he managed it. For example, how had he managed to transform himself into such a small creature as a rat? Dogs and deer were much closer to human size, while in comparison, a rat was minuscule. And how was he able to know so much about some things, and less than nothing about others? His emotions were difficult to fathom at times too. Remus was a very sensitive person, and could occasionally feel things that others couldn't, but it still left him confused about Peter. 

How had he managed to turn out the way he had? And Sirius and James too? What factors contributed to their growing up as they did, and how did this affect the way they regarded others? James was far simpler to analyse than Peter. He had grown up in a fabulously wealthy family, and his parents attitudes were mirrored in his own. The only thing was that sometimes James was entirely his own person, and that was when he questioned who he really was, and what was expected of him in this life. James was under a great deal of pressure to achieve, but it appeared he thrived under this sort of pressure. Peter, however, had grown up without a father, and his mother spent most of her time with the younger children. This affected him, Remus knew, but he couldn't exactly see how. He just knew that there were differences. Peter never seemed to struggle with who he was, and what expectations he had to live up to. He didn't seem to have expectations on him, or question what his purpose in life was, like James did in his more sombre moments. But all up, they were live-for-the-moment people, all into life for what it could give them at the moment, but Peter never seemed to look beyond the moment. 

Ironically, James could think about the future and question which direction he would take, but he seemed incapable of realising that people's feelings lived beyond the moment. Remus had noticed this after years of quietly studying James, and the other boys, trying to divine what made them wholly them. James was the sort of person who offered apologies without thinking of the consequences, blithely imagining that once something was forgiven, it was irrevocably forgotten.

But Remus, the boy who had been forced to contemplate some of life's harshest issues, knew life wasn't like that. Despite what people say or think, they can never completely forgive and forget. There is always that small, inescapable tinge in one's memory, that sticks by you forever. Some people choose to hold grudges, and others don't, but none can forgive and forget everything. The thing is, not everyone realises that things are that way, or they see it differently, and James was one of those people. That wasn't good, because he could easily offend people, without even noticing it. Then, if he was for some reason brought to realise it, he'd think an apology was sufficient. 

But apologies wouldn't always be enough for the people he unwittingly hurt, like Peter, or Lily, or others. They were brought up differently, and saw things differently, and suddenly the world becomes a more bewildering place. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

"It's a bit frightening, really. You know, this whole Voldemort thing." Lily confided in Arabella one morning as the two devoured a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ in the library. "He's killing just so many people, and not just wizards. Look here, some muggles were killed last week, in Dover, it says. No-one is safe from the rampage."

"We're as safe as is possible here at Hogwarts, Lil. No place safer, remember that. We're not in danger, whilever we're here. I confess though, I'm petrified about what I'm going to do when I have to leave Hogwarts forever. We won't have Dumbledore or any of the special charms around to spare us - we'll have to defend ourselves."

"But that's two years away!"

"I don't think two years means much in the span of things, to You-Know-Who. He's been at it for longer than that, and I think he'll keep going for longer than that. To tell you the truth, I don't know what will ever stop him."

"Someone has to!" Lily spoke with firm decision. "But I'll be blowed if I know how." Lily turned the page of the newspaper, where she could see an image of what was once a house with the Dark Mark glimmering ominously over it. People could be seen walking around the house, wading through the remains.

"Imagine that happening to you."

"I'd really rather not."

"It's hardly pleasant. But what could you do? Are there no defences? None whatsoever?"

"Maybe we should find out. We'll go to the library for the next couple of breaks until we find something." Lily said, while thinking of her favourite book in the library, the useful_ 'Clever Charms for Cautious Beings'. _Maybe there would be a charm in there to help them. "Just in case."

~*~*~*~*~*~


	10. Potions & Polyjuice

****

Part 10

Ah! This is where things actually begin to change, and you may discover which well-known fanfic author has influenced me. I'm hoping that since my semester is nearly over, and the assessment-induced hysteria is dwindling down, that I will be able to post more frequently. 

~~ 

__

People change. Circumstances change them. 

~ Melina Marchetta.

~~

The first days of term had quickly become the first weeks, and then Christmas was imminently upon Hogwarts. All the Marauders were going home, and so too were Lily and Arabella. But before they were to go, Professor Melange declared the Polyjuice Potion was ready for use. James was very much looking forward to this, though he had missed all the preliminary lessons. Lily and he were becoming slightly suspicious, because Prefect meetings *_always_* occurred during Potions. James reckoned the Head Boy, Hector Parkinson, had rigged the timetable so that he continually '_happened_' to miss Professor Binn's riveting History of Magic.

James didn't view missing Potions as a bad thing, but Lily was worried at how much she was missing out on. Professor Melange also seemed to have twigged onto the fact that the two Gryffindor prefects were often missing. The upshot of this was that James and Lily were to take one of their free hours from mid-Wednesday break and have a catch-up potions class instead.

James was livid at the idea of extra potions, and Lily was seething at the thought of spending even _more_ time with James Potter. At this rate, she might actually have the opportunity to start really knowing him, and that was something no sane person would desire. 

It so happened that the very first lesson Lily and James had would be involving Polyjuice Potion. Lily realised with disgust she was going to have to become James, and he her.

"It's only temporary." Professor Melange said impatiently.

"It had better be," James said grimly, suddenly not so keen on taking the potion.

"You are, of course, aware of after affects and the adverse reaction of certain stimuli?" The Professor asked, in a bored drone.

The two nodded, even though neither had the remotest clue about what Professor Melange had spoken of. They just wanted the class over and done with as soon as possible, so that they could spend their free time as it should be spent - away from each other.

"Very well. Pass each other a hair of your own to complete the potion."

"What do we do once we've changed?" Lily asked with curiosity.

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Now hurry up, I want to be in the Staff room."

James and Lily took the potion, and a couple of moments later, they were on the floor in each other's bodies.

"Very good." Professor Melange replied, and left the two to their own devices. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily looked up and saw herself. It was a very unnerving experience. "Stop staring at me." She said testily.

"Is my hair *_really_* that messy?" James asked in disbelief, reaching out to finger a tendril of what was his hair.

"Hands off mister!" Lily looked appalled. "This feels .....so..... Strange. I didn't know my face could show such expressions."

"Yeah, well. Likewise. So whaddawe do now?"

"What do we do now, you mean." Lily said pedantically. "Being turned into me is no excuse for a lack of grammatical precision."

"That didn't sound right."

"Oh shutup Potter!! If I didn't feel like I'd be hitting myself, I'd hit you now."

"You want to hit me??" James asked with surprise. "But you're so... meek and...... docile."

"Docile, huh? I'll give _you_ docile." Lily snarled, and ran towards James, nearly knocking him over, and preparing her fists for action in the meantime.

"Woah! Lay off!" James pleaded.

"Is ickle Jamesie-poo scared? But you're in Gryffindor!"

"So are you, so what does that have to say?"

"Just what are you implying, Potter?" Lily asked icily.

James realised he was treading on very thin ice. Lily's (or rather his own face) looked ripe for murder. Why hadn't he realised she could have a temper? Of course, everyone had a temper, it just never clicked that hers would be bad. After all, he didn't think he'd ever seen it before. He hadn't seen much of her before, so perhaps that should have been expected.

"Never mind."

"But you're..... Pathetic!" Lily said suddenly. "How ever did you become so popular? People really mustn't know you. You're a ridiculous gudgeon!" She thought it best to mention that that insult, the best she could think up, came directly from her favourite Muggle romance story, and had been spoken by a six year old in that book. Hardly the stuff of legends, or even very inspiring.

James looked more astonished than anything. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you're so amazingly, stubbornly proud, and that's just dreadful. On top of that, you skirt away from anything that might get you into trouble with some people. But paradoxically, you seek trouble from others. Your pranks and the like - they're hardly acts of an intelligent person now, are they?"

James' (or rather Lily's) face looked like that of a goldfish. All bubbly and puffed up. "But.... but.... pranks..."

"Mere foolishness. You think some people hail you for it, don't you? Well just as many deplore it. How many points have you boys lost for us! How many hours of detentions have you served, which could have been better utilised with studying? Sure, pranks are fun in the right circumstances, but you guys take it to extremes."

James continued to open and close his mouth like a fish, too stunned to say anything. It seemed all the more surreal that not only was it _Lily Evans_ that was saying this, but that she was saying it while looking like _himself_.

It appeared that he was chastising himself, a very strange and unlikely occurrence. He was a Potter, chastisement was something you did to *other* people.

"Would you mind...." He said after a moment's calmness, "If we were to cease this conversation? Surely there are better things we could be doing while under this particular guise."

"There you go again! Pranks, do you mean, by any chance?" James thought it seemed so odd that Lily was able to make his voice sound so sneering towards himself. He wasn't like that to other people, was he? No! Of course he wasn't. They all loved him. He was a Quidditch Chaser, the Gryffindor Prefect. People had to think well of him so that he could have achieved that. 

But then again, Lily was a Prefect too, and he didn't see too many Lily Evans fan clubs around Hogwarts. And _she_ wasn't like this to other people, was she? What was happening?

"Well, yeah, I did actually. I was thinking you could get yourself into some mischief, and pin it on me."

Lily bit her lip in thought. "I've never done pranks before." She admitted. "And I've never really thought very much of them, at any rate. Always seemed far too prone to being punished for them afterwards. But you don't mind getting in trouble for my sake? How do you *get* into such trouble?"

"Trade secrets, of course, but if you like I'm sure I could divulge a little." _Try and get on her good side, Potter... She's seemingly a hag at times, but fine at others ... You want to be on her good side.._.

Lily smiled wanly. "Well actually, do you think I could do something to Snape? Belle and I are desperately wanting to get him back for the poem."

"Snape? And a poem?" _Brilliant! Another reason to get him! _James eyes twinkled with an unholy glee. Lily didn't know her eyes could do that. 

It was rather charming actually, she thought. Why couldn't someone other than herself be around to see it then? What was the good in that?

"Yes. He has a thing for Arabella, and he wrote her this _dreadful _poem, and we have to get him back for it. The rhyming scheme was off, and the imagery and word choice.... Well! Best not mentioned, really. I just don't know how we're going to get him back. Nothing seems suitable enough.."

"Well," James thought for a moment. "This potion only lasts an hour, and we've wasted fifteen minutes. Better get to it." For some reason bringing up Snape had caused them to forget their past. That resulted in them both now working together rather amicably with a common goal. Lily and James found to their great amazement that this was achievable, that they made a rather impressive thinking team, without each other bickering over something. Not that they'd ever really _bickered_ before, they were more likely to shun each other.

"Okay. So it's free time. Think for a moment, if you were a Slytherin, where would you be during free time?"

"Well he's obviously not going to be in the shower." Lily said smartly. "I think he's allergic to them."

James snickered. _She thinks similarly to me... How strange..._

"What about outside? Near the lake, or near the broomshed?"

"What we need....." Lily said pensively, "Is a map. One that told us where everyone is."

"Lily, you're a genius. I could kiss you." _That would be so handy for us Marauders!_

"Ugh! Please don't!! Or do, if you absolutely must, but I warn you, children won't be an option on your agenda in years to come."

__

Okay, you ruined that moment completely, buster.. "You like me that much, huh?"

"I can't even *think* seriously about whether I like or dislike you, when I'm looking into my own face. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work for me. Now let's get back on topic and try to find Snape!"  


~*~*~*~*~*~

"Um.... James....." Lily sounded very unsure of herself.

"Yeah?"

"We've run out of time. We've been scouring the place, but our hour is almost up. We'll have to do it some other time. I don't know where Snape is."

"Bugger."

"Yeah."

"So tell me about this poem."

"It's really bad."

"Thanks for the glowing critique. What did it _say_?"

"Um, we've got it around somewhere. Belle considered running away to the circus, but I think I persuaded her to stay. For purely selfish motives. What would I do without her?"

James looked peculiarly at Lily. It'd never occurred to him that she'd feel defenceless without a friend. For a moment, he wondered why, and a pensive curiosity flickered across his face. What else didn't he know about her? 

"Don't. Look. At. Me. Like. That." Lily said guardedly. She made James' face semi-glare at him. "I'm going, if you're going to be like that." And with that she turned around, and James' body stalked off.

"Lils, wait up!" James began, wanting for some reason to apologise; he didn't even know what for.

But Lily turned around, with a venomous expression. "I _don't_ want you addressing me in such a ... familial.... manner. We're not friends. We'll never be friends. You yourself made sure of that. Goodbye." Once more Lily turned and stalked away.

James was left looking after her, with an expression of even greater puzzlement and confusion than before. What did she mean? 

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
